confuzzled

I've never really been a wishy-washy type person. USUALLY, I make a decision and that's that. I might think about how that decision could have ended up had I gone a different direction, but for the most I'm pretty set with the choice I made. What has this got to with anything? Well, lately, I've been doing the whole, "what-if" game in accordance with this guy who asked me out (sorta) not too long ago. I never really gave him an answer, and then he wasn't talking to me, he deleted me from his myspace page (how juvenile) and it's been a really tense work enviornment sometimes when I see him. My reasons for not wanting to go out with him in the place, or just avoiding the subject were/are:
1. I don't have enough time. Lame excuse but it's at the top because it's true. I barely see Carlos and I live with him. I feel as if it's very unfair to go into a relationship knowing I will have limited time to devote to it. That's not fair for the other person and not fair for me either.
2. If I could get past number one, I would have to be really interested (romantically) in someone. Now I'm not saying I'm completely ambivalent to this guy, but I'm not that interested to look past number one.
3. This dude kind of has mood swings. I get that people go through shit all the time in their life, but when it's a daily thing...that worries me a bit...
4. I like having my independent time. I might lament about wanting a boyfriend, but truth is, I like being single. I miss the connection of having someone, like the closeness (no matter how one-sided that was) I had with Xanax. I miss that, not necessarily him (though I still do sometimes) but the closeness of having a guy know me that well.
5. Getting to know someone well enough to want to date them takes effort. Effort I'm not sure I want to spend right now...
6. I'm leaving. Not tomorrow or next week, but soon enough. And since I want a long-term thing, starting something with someone here that I know is going to end sooner or later is not in the plus column.
7. I'm scared. Bottom line.

That's why my head went into the "what-if" game in the first place. I made my decisions based on the fact that I was scared. I "justified" my reasoning and ignored the issue. Then when I was in turn ignored and that made me question my decision. Was I going to let fear be my guide? Was I going to let my fear take over my decision making ability?

So I started talking to the big kahuna and asking for guidance. Then my horoscope said yesterday that someone who had recently been quiet would start speaking again and the "truth" would come out. Well, it happened. Yesterday we actually had a "conversation". As much of one as we can have in the lobby of my work. And then he e-mailed me over myspace (adding me as a friend again) and asked me out. Hence my dilemna.....

Part of me wants to rebel against my logic and reasoning (and fear still to some extent) and just say yes. But the independent (and lazy, lol) part of me just wants to stay in the friend zone. How do I say this and not be a bitch or lead him on? That's the question. I hate to lie, but I'm going to have to pretend that I didn't get the e-mail yet. I'd rather have a few days to clear my head and then answer it. I'm heading to Angelo on Saturday, so hopefully I can see Megan and ask her about this. I'm just having the damndest time...I think maybe my head's getting to far into this. But if I trust something else, I know I won't do it. Mostly because I don't feel that way about him. But can I ignore the signs? I don't think I can. But that maybe just me looking for an excuse. Fuck. I'm so confused. Add that my papers are due next week to the mix and my head is a jumbled mess. bah.