Anxieting

Yes I know the subject is not a real word, but it's describing my mood right now. I'm anxious and excited. Excited because, holy shit, in two months I will be walking across that UTD stage and getting my Master's diploma. And anxious because, holy Mary, I'm graduating in two months....whatthefuckamisupposedtodonowthatidonothaveschoolanymore?!?!?

After taking a DEEEEEEEEP breath and remembering that school being done is an absolute good thing; I start to prioritize what I need to be thinking about.

1) Short-term living situation: Melissa is moving in with me and Carlos until our lease ends in April. Should be interesting. After that I'm here for another few months, earning money and stuff while living as cheaply as possible.

2) Extended living situation: Me accepting Meg's cat (much to the chagrin of my allergies and their sensibilities) pushed the favor over to Portland...so in July/August we're moving to Portland!

3) Short-Term Job: This is the tricky one. I'm going to stay at Baylor and Lakewood-but I've also asked a friend of mine to put in a good word for me to substitute teach at her high school in Mesquite. So I'll be doing that until the summer and then working Baylor and Lakewood until I move.

4) Extended Job: In January, after my week vacation (hopefully!) from work, I'll be hitting the job hunt very hard. Community colleges in Portland aren't a plenty, but I'm hoping they will be hiring for either summer or fall staff so that I can put in my application and letters of reference so I can have a job when I get up there.

There are a couple of things I'm thinking about though:
a) I'm getting nervous that I haven't heard from my professor about how my lecture went.
b) I'm nervous that no one in Portland is going to want to hire someone from Texas, especially if the economy doesn't pick up.
c) I'm super nervous that I'm going to suck as a teacher. Like, it keeps me up at night and gives me the heeby-jeeby's when I think about it. Cause other than something to do with sports, I'm pretty much in the field I'm not interested in. The only other thing I can think of doing would be archival, research, or library stuff.

Plus...I worry about Mel and Meg and whether they'll find jobs in Portland and what'll happen if they can't and if they don't wanna move until they do and what's going to happen...AHHHH.

And then I take another deep breath and stop thinking and just embrace the adventure this is going to be and have faith that this is where my journey is leading me too. Call it what you will, but I need, nay have to, embark on this adventure. And even though is scares me silly sometimes, I'm doing, We're doing this. And that's it for now.

Rome

So I just gave my first lecture ever. It was pretty scary. I fumbled a couple of times, couldn't find my words and probably used too much vernacular (aka-too much slang), and said 'Appalachain' when I meant to say 'Alps'. Doh!

I'm not sure how I did. My friends in class said I did good, that the lecture was good for squeezing the entirety of Roman history into 40-45 minutes. Scary.

I think I overwhelmed people with the amount of information I put on my slides, but come on! I had 1100 years of history to wrap into 40 minutes. My friends in class told me that I did a good job, but I'm just waiting to hear from the professor to see what the final verdict is.

By the end of it, I was thinking it was getting a bit easier so I'm hoping that once I start doing this a bit more I won't be so nervous lol. Or as long as the professor doesn't tell me that I should never lecture again, then that'll probably stop that lol. I don't think that'll happen, but when it's your life here...sometimes you tend to think about the REALLY bad things so that if and when the actual one comes in, you're prepared for the bad and maybe surprised by the good...oh man.