So I was looking at this list online, of the top 15 vacation spots in North America...and I've been to 10 of them.
1. Walt Disney World- When I was five with my Mom, bro, and family in FLA.
2. NYC- 21st birthday with Meg, Jinny, and Mel. Awesome time but freeeeeezing!
3. Las Vegas- this past spring during my road trip with the Mel. Good times were not really had here only because we were cranky and staying at a crap-tastic hotel.
4. San Francisco- Ahh-mazing city. Reaaaaally expensive. Like almost ridiculous in the pricing, but good times were definitely had with the Mel on the road trip.
5. LA- Haven't been there, but I've been to the airport! So it sorta counts, but not really, lol.
6. Rivieria Maya, Mexico- Nope, looks like fun though!
7. Chicago- Went there two summers ago for a job interview. I had planned on walking aroung downtown, going out for a bit, but fifteen minutes after the interview, they called and I didn't get the job. So I ran four miles in the hotel gym, ordered a deep dish pizza and salad and passed out since I had been too nervous the night before to sleep. I left for the airport as soon as I woke up.
8. South Florida (aka-Miami, South Beach, and Ft. Lauderdale)- A great vacation time with Dad, Diana and the bro visiting Diana's brother and his partner. We saw a shark, I got a huge sunburn, but had a great time laughing and drinking it up under the very hot Florida sun.
9. Oahu- One of the best vacations I've ever been on, despite the stuff that happened afterwards. It was incredibly amazing all the things we saw and got a chance to do. One of my best memories.
10. Bahamas- Not yet. Soon. :)
11. San Diego- Went with my Dad for one of his insurance trips. I think I was 13. I ended up going to the zoo by myself while my Dad played golf. Not ideal but I took lots of pictures, lol.
12. Phoenix/Scottsdale- Nope, and honestly don't really have a desire to go either...
13. Washington DC- Went there a few years ago and walked around the mall area. We got as far as the White House before we had to turn back because it was A) Starting to rain hard and B) It was getting late and we still had a three hour drive back to Newport News, VA where we were staying.
14. Los Cabos- Since this includes Cabo San Lucas on the Baja California Peninsula, I can put a pin in this one too. Another trip with my Dad, when I was 17. A little bit older and this time my Dad and I pretty much did everything together, hit the town, had lots of drinks, and had an awesome time.
15. Maui- Haven't been here yet, but we'll see what I can finagal for the future :)
If this list is any indication, I think I'm doing pretty good for myself in logging those travel miles. Can't wait til I can get some more (hopefully international!) in those miles too. =)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Drama
I don't know who first came up with the old saying of "people come into your life for a reason", but I think they left off an important part of that..."those same people leave for a reason too".
I cling to people. It's not a secret. I cling to relationships, jobs, friendships, and clutter like I believe if I hold on just long enough I can make it work. But what I don't understand is the people coming into and out of your life thing. I've kept many friendships in my life and most of them are still fairly well intact. I guess is always makes me feel like I've personally done or said something wrong in order for that "reason" the person left to come to fruition. In truth, it comes from a whole range of things, but there's still that voice in my head telling me that it was something I did or said, or didn't do or say. Call it a fear of abandonment, but I guess everyone has a breaking point. Mine has come up recently.
I hate drama. Some people thrive on it. I can't stand the constant anxiety. Nearly driven myself into panic attacks because of it. So I've learned in years past to go with the flow and concentrate myself on more non-dramatic tendencies. Like when things get messy or mixed around at the front desk, as my manager tells it, I get a little antsy. I've put three long years back there, so I think I deserve to be a little OCD but maybe that's just me. I've moved from the point, but hence the name ramblings...
I've distanced myself from people before based on the fact that they've played little mind games before. Getting back at someone by either not returning a phone call at a crucial moment because of something I did to them the day before, or using me as their own personal clown. I get it that I used to do a LOT of stupid/funny/idiotic things. Most of them, if not all, involve lots of alcohol. I've grown up since then. A lot. I lost a best friend because of a night like that, so forgive me if I can't laugh about some of things that are similar situations.
I can laugh at myself, I do so very frequently. But when I'm around this one group of people, it seems like all we talk about is the past and how many "Briana did something stupid, let's make fun of her" stories get brought up. I'm tired of being the clown. I was the one being picked on in high school and in college I tolerated it but I'm not anymore. It's ridiculous to make fun of someone for something they've done recently, but three years ago, four years ago? Come on now...it gets old, fast. And the only ones laughing now are the ones making the jokes.
I feel like they don't even know me anymore. Hell, half the time I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't trust my own judgment when it comes to people. Another reason my dating life is non-existent. I don't want another Cacey. And I feel like the only person that will understand what I'm saying is not even here to listen to me and advise me. She's at some church camp for another month in a no cell area, and I'm losing my mind. I have all this anger and I'm not an angry person. I wanted to physically hit someone at the gym today and I'm not an overly violent person, especially for a small offense. I'm stuck in a rut and I have no idea how to get out of it. The person I use to talk to only tells me what they've been through and how their experience was so much worse, or whatever, and that I HAVE to do X, Y, and Z in order to get through it. I don't need to be mothered. I have my own wonderful mother, and she's not it.
I've tried a lot. Running has helped a lot, but all it achieves is making me completely tired and not wanting to do anything when I get off work. So is that really helping? I can't tell....Praying hasn't really worked either. I'm not the praying sort because I'm not sure who's really up there listening, but I keep on trying. I've considered going to the student counseling center, but I'm not sure that's going to work either. I hate that I have all these emotions inside me and feel like I have no outlet for them. It's ridiculous. Just more drama right? Hence my need to not be so dramatic.
I can't deal with the biting sarcasm, and the thinly veiled insults, and the stupid mind games anymore. These people were in my life for a reason and I distanced myself for a reason. So how can I just pretend everything is normal when I have all this anger? Talking to them is out of the question because nothing will get resolved. I'll just be put down with what someone else remembers happening and their turn events can never be wrong, so I'll be the one who's changed and who's having an emotional breakdown and who is the one causing all the drama. Blamed, again, for another person (persons in this case) leaving my life.
I just needed to get this out. Probably won't leave this post up for very long...just needed to vent about stuff. For the one person that reads this, I'm not going insane or having an emotional crisis so please don't tell the family. I'm strong, I'll make it through. Just needed to vent. Thanks.
I cling to people. It's not a secret. I cling to relationships, jobs, friendships, and clutter like I believe if I hold on just long enough I can make it work. But what I don't understand is the people coming into and out of your life thing. I've kept many friendships in my life and most of them are still fairly well intact. I guess is always makes me feel like I've personally done or said something wrong in order for that "reason" the person left to come to fruition. In truth, it comes from a whole range of things, but there's still that voice in my head telling me that it was something I did or said, or didn't do or say. Call it a fear of abandonment, but I guess everyone has a breaking point. Mine has come up recently.
I hate drama. Some people thrive on it. I can't stand the constant anxiety. Nearly driven myself into panic attacks because of it. So I've learned in years past to go with the flow and concentrate myself on more non-dramatic tendencies. Like when things get messy or mixed around at the front desk, as my manager tells it, I get a little antsy. I've put three long years back there, so I think I deserve to be a little OCD but maybe that's just me. I've moved from the point, but hence the name ramblings...
I've distanced myself from people before based on the fact that they've played little mind games before. Getting back at someone by either not returning a phone call at a crucial moment because of something I did to them the day before, or using me as their own personal clown. I get it that I used to do a LOT of stupid/funny/idiotic things. Most of them, if not all, involve lots of alcohol. I've grown up since then. A lot. I lost a best friend because of a night like that, so forgive me if I can't laugh about some of things that are similar situations.
I can laugh at myself, I do so very frequently. But when I'm around this one group of people, it seems like all we talk about is the past and how many "Briana did something stupid, let's make fun of her" stories get brought up. I'm tired of being the clown. I was the one being picked on in high school and in college I tolerated it but I'm not anymore. It's ridiculous to make fun of someone for something they've done recently, but three years ago, four years ago? Come on now...it gets old, fast. And the only ones laughing now are the ones making the jokes.
I feel like they don't even know me anymore. Hell, half the time I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't trust my own judgment when it comes to people. Another reason my dating life is non-existent. I don't want another Cacey. And I feel like the only person that will understand what I'm saying is not even here to listen to me and advise me. She's at some church camp for another month in a no cell area, and I'm losing my mind. I have all this anger and I'm not an angry person. I wanted to physically hit someone at the gym today and I'm not an overly violent person, especially for a small offense. I'm stuck in a rut and I have no idea how to get out of it. The person I use to talk to only tells me what they've been through and how their experience was so much worse, or whatever, and that I HAVE to do X, Y, and Z in order to get through it. I don't need to be mothered. I have my own wonderful mother, and she's not it.
I've tried a lot. Running has helped a lot, but all it achieves is making me completely tired and not wanting to do anything when I get off work. So is that really helping? I can't tell....Praying hasn't really worked either. I'm not the praying sort because I'm not sure who's really up there listening, but I keep on trying. I've considered going to the student counseling center, but I'm not sure that's going to work either. I hate that I have all these emotions inside me and feel like I have no outlet for them. It's ridiculous. Just more drama right? Hence my need to not be so dramatic.
I can't deal with the biting sarcasm, and the thinly veiled insults, and the stupid mind games anymore. These people were in my life for a reason and I distanced myself for a reason. So how can I just pretend everything is normal when I have all this anger? Talking to them is out of the question because nothing will get resolved. I'll just be put down with what someone else remembers happening and their turn events can never be wrong, so I'll be the one who's changed and who's having an emotional breakdown and who is the one causing all the drama. Blamed, again, for another person (persons in this case) leaving my life.
I just needed to get this out. Probably won't leave this post up for very long...just needed to vent about stuff. For the one person that reads this, I'm not going insane or having an emotional crisis so please don't tell the family. I'm strong, I'll make it through. Just needed to vent. Thanks.
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