Man POV

Men take things to mean very differntly then women. For example:

Having been asked out twice and turning someone down twice, and reiterating the point of JUST being friends, a female would see that as a clear indication that she wants to remain friendly and conversational with said male.

Males, on the other hand, would see themselves as being rejected, and although friendship would still afford them opportunity to spend time with the female, friendship is not the end goal. Therefore, even though they might play along with the females attempts at friendship, their ego has been bruised and that means avoid, evade, ignore and dismiss.

See, to me and my female brain, friendship shouldn't be that hard to maintain. That's how allllll this started anyway. There was a friendship. One person wanted more, the other didn't, so the friendship should be easily in tact.

Well, apparently I'm wrong, wrong, WRONG.

Plus, it doesn't help that said male thinks that said female is dating someone else. Throw in feelings of inadequacy about why said female didn't chose that male, and friendship is not going to happen. According to my manager.

At first, I wasn't really willing to believe what he was saying was true. I mean, I could see that being friends wasn't a problem, so why did it have to be right?

Once I went and sat on the bike and thought about this for about 35 minutes, I came to the conclusion that this male I was talking too (manager extraordinare!) was pretty much right. Cause, if you think about it, what did you do when you asked someone out and they said no? I know for me, I kinda do the same thing, well I definitely used too. It's been a looooong time since I asked someone out for anything other then friendly purposes. But when I did and it was gracefully rejected, I really didn't want to see that person. For awhile. BUT, if we were good friends before, I would still hang out with them and yes it might be a bit awkward at first, but if the friendship is solid then it shouldn't be that bad.

But that's how the female mind works. Able to handle complicated situations and intricate emotions. I guess guys are more basic. Simple. Not in the bad way but in an easier to understand, but not really understandable way.

Sundays

I think Sunday's are turning out to be my favorite day of the week. I sleep late, not as late as Saturday, but 10:30 is still a lot later then what I normally get to sleep to during the week, lol.

I sleep late, I lay in bed in my jammies and glasses, either watching a movie or reading (in most cases re-reading a favorite book) then I eventually leave the wonderness that is my bed and venture into the kitchen. I make eggs, toast, and cut up a banana with a big cup of coffee. One of my favorite parts of the day is making that huge breakfast and just sitting and watching trashy TV on Bravo, haha.

And that's the biggest part of my day. The rest is either spent reading some more, watching movies, and running some errands. I do laundry and just chill until Animation Domination comes on 7. Oh the busy life I lead.

Well, today should be adventurous. Carlos and I are going to go to Torrid, (Yay!) to get a dress for Cassie's wedding next weekend. So of course, gotta bring my gay along to get the accessories right cause lord knows I'm not good at that, lol. Here's a pic of the dress I'm looking to get:

Here it is.

And that's about it. I really think that Sunday's are my favorite day now. =)

Three

This week marks the three year anniversary of my trip to Hawaii. Today marks the exact date, the day of the King Kamehameha parade, that I met my first love for the very first time. We had talked for almost a year before-and after much drama, laughter, anger, and hours' long discussions, I finally met him. Courtney, the former best friend, went downstairs at the hotel with me. I don't know why I was afraid, more nervous then anything else I guess. I think I was nervous that it would be awkward or I'd say something really stupid.

And then I saw him sitting in the lobby, looking better then his pictures ever did. And I knew then what I repeatedly denied, I was in love with him.

I really can't believe that it's been three years since that day. So much has happened, and I didn't even realize that it was today until I was going through old e-mails and seeing that I had kept some of the more emotional ones I wrote to him. Reading them now...I can still remember what I felt when they were sent.

Looking back at that time in my life, I can definitely say that I was naive and wistful throughout the duration of that "relationship". I wanted things to work out so well between us that I saw what I wanted to see, heard what I wanted to hear, and kept on trying to hold onto something that possibly wasn't there in the first place.

Three years have gone by and I still look back on the whole thing as an okay experience. I learned a lot. I learned what I want and what I definitely do NOT want in a relationship. Did a lot of it really suck? God, yes. But there were also some pretty amazingly great times as well. Times I still miss, actually. I don't feel weak for admitting I miss what we had. He was a very close friend for such a long time, and now we have no contact at all. I wonder sometimes if that's for the best or if I still need his friendship.

I haven't had a significant relationship with a guy since him. I'm not blaming him for ruining my romantic sentiments, but I think I'm a lot more jaded then I was before. I've thought about trying to get in touch with him again, but for what purpose? Reminiscing about old times? Checking on him to see if he's thought about me since the last time we've talked?

I don't know what made me go to my e-mail today and finally delete all that stuff (which I did, it's allllll gone), but I'm glad I did. It gave me the ability to reflect on what I went through and see that I have come out a stronger, if not a more cynical person. I still want that relationship but I'm not settling for something that could be "good enough". I've always had this feeling that me and him really weren't finished. Just like one of my stories, our final chapters haven't come yet. Am I wrong? Probably. I've always had really bad luck when it comes to guessing what's going to happen between me and guys...

For now, all I can do is take it day by day and relationship by relationship. Whether that be friendship or something more, I just have to take it in stride and see where fate leads me.