Fight

So the roommate and I had a huge thing last weekend. We're both very upset with each other and I tried to reach out today with a note telling him that I wanted to talk about this and hopefully move past it to save our friendship. I also mentioned that I had paid our re-key fee earlier in the week. What did I get back? "I already paid the $25 a week ago."

That was it.

I have no idea where to go from this. I have these horrible nightmares that we're going to end up losing the great friendship that we had because of misunderstandings and all that crap. Because in the end, that's all it is, and I would think that we could talk about it and move on from it, but it doesn't sound like he wants to at all. I tried to reach out and tell him that I miss my best friend and I get nothing back.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose our friendship at all, the crap that we're fighting about is not worth this. And if we could talk, I think that we could clear up any misconceptions either of us have. But I'm not sure that's going to happen. I'm terrified to come home to an apartment where I don't feel 100% comfortable living there. I actually went and stayed three nights last week with my Aunt because I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to have that stony silence within the entire apartment with the both of us trying to avoid the other. Or at least me trying to avoid him. For all I know he just doesn't give two shits about me anymore and I think that it's all a misunderstanding that can be cleared up if we actually talked about it. But like I said, I'm not sure that's going to happen. Because I'm afraid that if I try and reach out, like I did today, I'm just going to get shut down and I'll have to live with this festering wound for the next five months. I don't wanna live like that. I want to be able to laugh with him, talk to him, and have fun with him again. I'll apologize for any wrongdoings that I actually did commit and hopefully we can move past this.

But I'm not sure. I have a feeling that it's going to blow up in my face and I will have lost 10 years with one of my best friends. I don't know anymore. I cried, I got sad, angry, confused, and now I'm mostly just scared.